It’s been almost three months, a quarter of a year, but I’m back.
Absolutely insane how time flies. I will never be able to wrap my head around it. So much has happened in these last three months… I ended my relationship, moved three times (out of my apartment in Hunts Point to my mom’s house in Woodlawn, then we moved to Castle Hill, then I moved to Brooklyn, Bushwick area), I got a second job, sold my car, my cousin got super sick again, my little sister left to summer camp, I have struggled with my bipolar disorder at much higher extremities than usual due to stress, began painting and taking drawing and writing extensively more seriously. I read profusely now; my insatiable craving for information has spiked— I’ve been researching anything and everything! I’ve made new friends that I’ve carefully picked out (so rewarding when you make mindful decisions about stuff like that), and I’ve began rekindling a lot of old friendships. It’s been a real life changing three months.
I am proud of all the personal progress and strength that I have exemplified these past few months. Most times, I am very hard on myself and extremely self critical (to a fault), but for once, I really owe myself a pat on the back. I’ve observed so much personal growth; it’s quite exciting to have the capability to look at ones self objectively. I have exceeded my own expectations, and I am really beginning to develop some important disciplines… of thought process, stress management, making the time to be creative and following through on my projects, seek information and support… I’ve been careful to make very mindful decisions about what it is that I am currently doing, my next steps, who I allow into my life and to consume my time… despite the outstanding stress levels and incredibly dark lows at times… I am happy. I am still struggling very much so, but every day I feel more and more confident that I am heading in the right direction, and I certainly feel much more in tune with myself. (Kind of funny that the same way we have to get to know others, we also have to get to know and understand ourselves too!)
A lot of times it becomes difficult to talk about my problems, especially when I feel consumed by them and it’s all I can talk about. I hate that repetition of conversation; horrible feeling. But to my friends that have been patient, listened, and have been nothing but supportive— THANK YOU. You save my life everyday and you will never know the magnitude of gratitude and importance of the role you have played in my life at this time. I am surrounded by some truly astounding human beings filled with love and positivity. It is so inspiring. So rejuvenating. When I am at my lowest, it gives me a reason to carry on. And even for the friends I haven’t spoken in detail to about personal issues, but have just been such great company and allowed me to enjoy fun-filled days, nights and laughter with you.. THANK YOU! The simplicity of your presence provides so much magic in my life.
I hope I can always do for you all what you have done for me. Here’s to great friendships and love.